i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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