Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
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