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did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
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