when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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