drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
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You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
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Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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