Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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