im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
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