Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
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Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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