The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
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They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
We have so much sex to catch up on
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
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