I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
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