Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize