I could make wine with my vomit
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
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Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
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