I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
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Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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