My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize