so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
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