Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize