i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize