you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize