I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are going to name an STD after you.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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