This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
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For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
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I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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