I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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