Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
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You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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