Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize