She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
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she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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