It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
You left your phone here
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