yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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