glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
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I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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