I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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