I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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