You're so nebulous sometimes
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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