Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
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The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize