Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize