and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
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i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
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Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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