It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize