It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
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Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
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We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
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