Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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