I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I just gargled with NyQuil
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
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