My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
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