Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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