i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
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And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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