I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
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How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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