You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
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Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
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The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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