I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
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Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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