I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
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