I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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