I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He has the fingertips of a God
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