never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
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You left your underwear on the fireplace
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
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When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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