How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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