that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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