I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
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